The Secret of How to Be Happy

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert says that you ‘synthesize’ your happiness. That you have a ‘psychological immune system’ that helps you change your views about your world, in order to feel better about the world in which you find yourself.

Not only that, he also maintains that when we imagine what could make us happy, such as new clothes or winning the lottery, our brains are invariably wrong in advising us that those things will make us happy. In fact, statistics show that paraplegics are just as happy as lottery winners one year after the event of either becoming injured, or winning the lottery!

We tend to think that getting things such as a job, a new car, or a trip around the world is what will make us happy. However, studies have shown that we make ourselves happy by simply imagining that we are happy. So getting what we want doesn’t actually have anything to do with being happy.

Why is this?

Your prefrontal cortex works as an experience simulator, which means you can imagine an experience in your head before you try it out in real life. This ability is essentially what brought humankind out of the trees and into shopping malls – it allows you to desire things and events, imagining they will make you feel a certain way. The problem is that your simulator works rather poorly. In reality, gaining or losing something turns out to have far less impact and duration than you expect them to have. After about three months, the event (or item) has virtually no impact on your happiness…

So, your ability to create “synthetic” happiness is in fact your key to sustained happiness. Which, by the way, is very real, even though it is not “natural.”

Synthetic happiness is a choice you make when you don’t get what you want, whereas natural happiness is what you feel when you do get what you want. However, you often don’t get exactly what you want.

Additionally, your belief that being able to change your mind will increase your happiness turns out to be completely false. Your ‘psychological immune system’ actually works best when you’re totally stuck, when there’s no turning back and making other choices, because that is when your mind can find a way to be happy with your reality.

This is vitally important, beyond the obvious fact that being happy feels better than being unhappy. In fact, there is little doubt about the powerful effects positive emotions can have on your physical health and well-being. At the same time, there is equally little doubt about the effects that negative emotions can have on you.

Happiness will not only protect your body from stressors that can lead to coronary heart disease, but it can even boost your immune system's ability to fight off the common cold.

Unfortunately, “happiness” can be a rather nebulous term. For most people, it is virtually impossible to define what truly makes you happy. So I want to reiterate a definition that nearly everyone can grasp and apply with greater ease.

Happiness can more accurately be identified by your brain as “whatever gets you excited.” Happiness is that which makes you jump out of bed in the morning with eager anticipation to start your day. Once you identify that activity, whatever it is, you can start focusing your mind around that so you can structure you life to do more of it.

Personally, my happiness is tied to my mission to catalyze the change of the entire fatally flawed health paradigm. This is what makes me somersault out of bed each morning, and it is the driving force that allows me to truly enjoy the many, many hours of my “work” weeks.

Being able to manifest positive emotions and happiness is perhaps one of the greatest gifts you have been given as a human being. And, interestingly enough, Gilbert’s talk resonates along the same lines as a previous article I wrote about how limiting choices can increase your happiness, which is quite fascinating, because most of us live with the false belief that more choices mean greater chances of finding contentment and happiness.

It also resonates with the fundamental rules of optimal health… You don’t need ten pills a day to get healthy. It’s a false belief, manufactured by the pharmaceutical industry through the mass media. In reality, you only need to focus on a few very basic things to optimize your health:


Address emotional traumas


Get optimal sun exposure


Drink pure water


Avoid toxins


Eat the right fats


Eat right for your Nutritional Type


Eat raw foods


Control your insulin and leptin


Exercise


Sleep properly


Health, like happiness, can be optimized by limiting your options to that which is natural, and realizing there’s no “magic pill.”

(Reprinted by permission of Dr. Mercola: Mercola.com)

Traditional Hindu prayer.

On the occasion of this, my 100th Post, I felt that the following would appropriately serve the purposes of S.L.I.M.For Life.

In this age of hating our bodies--trying to carve and starve them into conforming to some unattainable ideal--there is great healing in reading and sharing this beautiful ancient Hindu prayer at mealtime or any time.

Read this Hindu blessing for our bodies, just as they are, here:

SIMPLE SOLUTION:

I recognize you are the temple in which my spirit and creative energy dwell.

I have created you from my need to have my spirit manifested on earth so that I may have this time to learn and grow.

I offer you this food so that you may continue to sustain my creative energy, my spirit, my soul.

I offer this food to you with love, and a sincere desire for you to remain free from disease and disharmony.

I accept you as my own creation.

I need you.

I love you.
-----

To YOU---as you are (or may remake if/ when you so choose)!

Jacques

THE HOBO and THE BOY: A true story of Resistance to Change

The scene takes place in my native Brussels, Belgium…I was a happy six-year-old living comfortably in an affluent environment…My mother would customarily bake breads and pastries every Friday for the following week...especially for the Sunday mid-day brunch, a joyful gathering usually attended by a virtual mob of relatives and friends.

As the addictive aroma permeated the neighborhood, Roland, a hobo who, dressed for the part (heavy army overcoat covering other layers, black wool gloves cut to show the tips of his fingers, a sailor's wool "beanie" pulled over his ears...), would invariably come around, asking for a chunk or two of warm, crisp fresh bead.

I’ll always remember that one particular Friday when my mother decided to surprise Roland by slicing his bread and loading each half with a generous layer of butter. Not just any butter, but Danish butter, which was soooo delicious !

In those pre-WWII days, dairy products from Denmark were expensive, premium treats. It was a fact that Danish cows, fed naturally that country’s lush green grasses, produced more and creamier milk, from which came the best of cheeses and especially the much in demand butter.

The latter had a unique, sweet, nutty flavor and an undescribably lovely fragrance. Which is why both my mother and I expected our adopted hobo to “jump for joy” when he would discover the special treat.

Roland never accepted my mother’s invitation to come inside the house and sit down to eat at the kitchen table. Instead, he preferred to plunk himself down on the cement steps leading to the rear of the house. In bad weather, he’d take refuge inside the overhang of the small porch by the back door.

This day, as I handed him his plate and squeezed in next to him, by the guardrail, I couldn’t wait to see the delight in his face, once he’d discover the thick layer of Danish butter on his favorite bread…

Which is why I became so puzzled when, instead, after separating the slices, Roland deliberately began sniffing the butter without any reaction. Then, he handed me the plate, asking me to hold it for him, and began fishing inside his three layers of overcoats.

Eventually, he produced a pocket knife…opened the long blade…grabbed one of the open slices and patiently started lifting chunks of butter and flipping them onto the ground… until there was none left on his bread.

He then thanked me and regained possession of the plate. This is when I finally saw that heavenly look in his eyes, coupled with a big grin of satisfaction as he smelled, then bit into and savored the bare warm bread.

This is also when I learned that it is impossible to force or impose change onto another person. Even if it is to improve their lot in life, or if it is "Good for them”…

In the case of Roland, it was a reversal of the old adage, and “another man’s gold was this one man’s garbage” must have been his.

I learned that you cannot change or do for another what they won’t or aren't interested in doing for themselves.

Which is why I like to wish you, my friends, to make this a great weekend!

Jacques

Diet and Fat: A Severe Case of Mistaken Consensus (or: who is trustworthy?)

(From the San Diego County's "inferno" still)

Good morning, dear friends!

While practicing as a clinical psychologist and hypnotherapist, I was called on as an "expert witness" to testify in various court cases, many criminal.

Much to the frustration of the attorneys on both sides, and the court, I frequently verbalized a disclaimer in which I believed, and still do: so-called "eye witnesses" are not a reliable source of information, much less of factual truth.

To illustrate my point, especially to the members of the Jury, I gave the following example (and had to "fight" to be allowed to express it):

"If I were to whisper a simple sentence (no pun intended) into the ear of Jurist No.1, and asked him or her to repeat it verbatim by whispering in the ear of Jurist No. 2, and so on...by the time my original sentence would finally be whispered back into the ear of Jurist No. 1, any similarity to what was indeed said at the start would be purely coincidental."

And, just think: we are talking of memorizing and repeating a simplistic statement during a span or five minutes or less.

Given the fact that the sworn testimony of an "eye witness" is given a high degree of power to condemn and send away for years...even sentence to death a person accused of a crime...by testifying to something (s)he heard or claims to have seen MONTHS before renders his/her rendition of the "facts" more than questionable at best. Worse yet: when more than one such witness echoes real events co-mingled with myopic ones.

Not to speak of the influence and "brainwashing" caused by misleading, exaggerated, distorted, erroneous or baseless "facts" touted by the Media day in, day out!

Which is why I felt it my duty to share with you, dear friends, the following article:


In 1988, surgeon general C. Everett Koop made a statement that changed the course of American’s diets for many years to come. He said that high-fat foods were causing coronary heart disease and other deadly problems in Americans, and these high-fat foods were just as dangerous to public health as cigarettes.

Koop said, in the report detailing his fat findings, “The depth of the science base underlying its findings is even more impressive than that for tobacco and health in 1964.”

As it turned out, Koop’s statement was wrong.

What led a respected surgeon general to make such a mistake? According to this New York Times article, it was a case of an “informational cascade.”

A cascade of information can easily lead to the wrong conclusion.

It works like this: Someone has a bit of wrong information, but they are confident about it so they spout it out. A second person who is unsure decides that the first person must be right, and chooses to go along with their theory. A third person who may have had a right answer, then changes his mind because he believes the two others must know more than him.

And on it goes as each person assumes the others can’t be wrong.

Who was the first person to start the cascade of misinformation about fatty foods? It was Ancel Keys, a diet researcher for whom military K-rations are named.

He believed that dietary fat was causing heart disease in Americans back in the 1950s, and he soon got others to jump on the bandwagon.

Even the American Heart Association, which concluded in 1957 that “the evidence that dietary fat correlates with heart disease does not stand up to critical examination,” changed its position in 1960.

Why? Because Keys was on the committee issuing a new report that a low-fat diet was advised for people at risk of heart disease.

Since then, the “fat is bad” theory continued to be accepted as nutritional wisdom, even though clinical trials found no connection.

Sources:
The New York Times October 9, 2007
www.dr. mercola/ newletter of 10/25/2007

One Word That Can Change Your Reality -- And Change The Way You Think

Did you know that by simply removing one word from your vocabulary, and replacing it with another, you can put yourself in the driver’s seat and gain 100 percent control of your life?

More often than not, the word “CAN’T” is the culprit of your failures. By replacing “CAN’T” with “WON’T,” you open the door to asking yourself the right questions that may help you get out of your own imaginary prison.

Do you say “I can’t take a vacation,” or “I can’t get a better job”?

By changing those statements to, “I won’t take a vacation,” and “I won’t get a better job,” what questions are raised?

Why won’t you? What’s holding you back? What are you not willing to do to make it happen? Plenty of people have done those things, and are doing them right now as you’re reading this, so they’re obviously not real impossibilities!

Start your transformation by paying close attention to when and how you use the word “can’t,” and then repeat the sentence in your mind, replacing “can’t” with “won’t.” Analyze the sentence, and you may be in for an awakening.

SelfMadeChick.com September 28, 2007


Dr. Mercola's Comments:

The central key is to always avoid saying anything negative about yourself in the present or future tense. This is not lying. Because all of your failures were in the past.

It is perfectly acceptable to state that in the past, you had problems remembering your purse, your keys, or someone’s name, but you condemn yourself to a negative future when you tell the world that you always have trouble remembering names, your purse, or people’s names.

Your brain is highly susceptible to your language, so please be very careful with the words you chose to use when describing yourself or your behavior. Make it POSITIVE when you are talking about the present or future.

I think the author of this piece is an inspiring lady – taking the insights she discovered from analyzing her self-talk, ditching her unsatisfactory cubicle job, taking control of her own life and destiny, and now, just two years later, living the life of her dreams.

If one person can do it, you can do it too! On her website, she also gives kudos to Tim Ferriss’ Four-Hour Work Week, for inspiring her to reevaluate her priorities and taking control of how she spends her time. I too am a major fan of Tim Ferriss, and highly recommend his groundbreaking book to anyone who wants to work less, achieve more, and be more successful.

David Allen’s Getting Things Done is another great piece of work I can personally credit for helping me achieve so many of my goals. It’s one of the finest systems for getting you organized and clearing your mind. However, it falls short when it comes to limiting the amount of distracting inputs into your life, and this is where Tim Ferriss’ advice truly excels!

The Four-Hour Work Week may sound like a preposterous title, but I’ve read the book and it’s clearly not a joke. If you were to follow his system, you would still be actively engaged in activities – just not “typical work.” Instead, you’d be doing what you’re passionate about, and you’d learn to manage others efficiently to implement the projects you really want in your life.

Why is this important?

Because living a balanced life is crucial to your health!

Living with passion, actively engaged in pursuits that have personal meaning can have great impact on your mental, emotional and physical health. It can also free you up to take control of your health in mundane, yet crucial ways, such as having the time to prepare your own meals, using organic produce grown locally, and savoring every bite because you’re not rushing anywhere.

Last but not least – following your passion can empower not only you, but can help change the entire world.

If you are doing something just for the money, it will likely never make you truly fulfilled, and you will likely never be very successful with it. One of the major keys to success is to identify your passion and move towards it until you can do that full time.

Source: www.Mercola


Jacques' P.S.: It is almost 3:00 A.M., Tuesday, October 23---I have been watching the ongoing reports on the eight Major fires I briefly outlined in my last post...
The numbers have gone up quite a bit, obviously, and the "Happy Ending" is nowhere
in sight as yet...The acrid stench of smoke still permeates all...

Yet, it is reassuring to note that the victims of the fire, who were evacuated, who have lost homes, animals, goods...have spoken a common philosophical language: "Those are things that we will, hopefully, be able to rebuild or replace...staying alive and relatively well is what counts"...

The dignity of these people who speak without acting like victims or martyrs... without howling as they grab their heads in their hands, as is witnessed in every video report of Mid-Eastern attack survivors...

In French, we say, "Tant qu'il y a de la vie, il y a de l'espoir" (So long as there is life, there is hope)...

This quality of human resilience, coupled with the support and unity of neighbors, family and strangers, expresses a Positive brand of courage that shall facilitate the rebuilding of homes, fortunes and lives...picking themselves up by their bootstraps

It is an examplary display of the sort of human spirit, strength of character and social cooperativeness which I so wish could influence and positively affect the aberrant Muslim murder and suicide perpetrators.

Again, let me close on a Positive personal note of Hope and Good News: my Oncologist, Dr. Norton, advised me that the blood test for cancer, done last week, came back with a report of "COMPLETELY NORMAL"!

I Hope All the Best for You and Yours as well!

Your Friend,

Jacques

A New Week...and San Diego County Is ON FIRE!

HAPPY NEW WEEK!

Here are a few tidbits, some in answer to your kind concerns regarding my health, etc...

I am progressing well and fairly painlessly---a new Lady Doctor, Dr. Norton, an Oncologist, seemed pleased with what her initial exam showed---she had her nurse take a blood test for possible cancer cells or elements that trigger them---will call her tomorrow to find out what she found. She also agrees that deep self-hypnosis and Positive input does help and has in my case.

Eversince I woke up this morning (Sunday), I started cussing "those slobs who are still burning their garbage", as the air smelled that way ---turns out that the Santa Ana winds (gusts to 50-75 MPH) have stirred up a couple of major fires, one of which was triggered by a fallen electric pole near the 78 Freeway.

I shall describe highlights of "the happenings" in San Diego County, for those no longer there, who know the layout of the land...

Just saw an update on TV---Heavily involved are: (It is now Monday A.M).---the "couple" is now Eight BIG ones, involving North County mainly...

Ramona...Jamul...Santa Isabel...(and even Poway, whose Hospital is now being evacuated, as a precaution, as fires to the NorhWest may threaten it due to high winds-with gusts to 50-75 MPH- which did not recede overnight---making fire-fighting most difficult: several areas are 0% contained!...fires "jumping" eratically due to the winds, also caused by the fierce flames...

Escondido, Del Dios, Lake Hodges area, Rancho Bernardo, Otay Lakes, Pomerado, Campo, Steele Canyon, Harris, Portrero, Tecate...

MANY horse ranches (one man had barely brought out of harm's way two of his 22 prize horses...and could not return to try to rescue more, nor his dogs, as a wall of fire suddenly blocked his way...etc...)

Over 100,000 acres have burned thus far...250,000 people evacuated or urged to...many properties gone...with no way to know what is next...


On "60 minutes" a scientist being interviewed mentioned that global warming has definitely affected and triggered many fires during seasons and in areas rarely or never before involved.

Such as mountain forests...in Colorado, for instance, the most resitant Ponderosa pines went up in flames like kindling...One percent of warming = 4 times more fires, as leaves and brush dry out fast...creating hotter fires...He predicts that, within the next 50-100 years, over HALF of the forests in the SouthWest may be
gone...and will not be capable of growing back for centuries, if ever!

If I may think out loud for a moment...events such as these, added to the human turmoils and carnages by Muslim and other global terrorists have caused me to seriously consider the possibility that my "favorite" religion's predictions (Jehovah 's Witnesses )lol... in their "Revelations" and "The End" may be at hand after all...

Well, if this hasn't depressed you enough...turn on your TV News... Be Well, and make this a Good Week!

"If you are going through hell...keep going." (Winston Churchill)


Love,

Jacques

Don’t Worry, Be Healthy

How to make sure chronic fretting doesn’t affect your well-being
By Chrystle Fiedler
REMEDY Fall 2007

Worry can make you feel miserable—but did you know that it can also take a toll on your health?

Excessive concern or anxiety saps energy and hinders productivity. It also stimulates production of cortisol; this can lead to weight gain, depression and heart disease, all of which might make you worry even more. As tension mounts, you may find yourself turning to self-soothing habits--smoking, drinking, eating too much (extreme cases even include drug abuse)--further compounding the damage that excess worry does to your health.

“Reducing worry, much like shedding unnecessary weight, is a way you can have a healthier life,” says Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D., author of The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry From Stopping You. “By reducing anxiety, you reduce physical tension, aches and pains, improve sleep and ease digestion.”

Regrettably, almost 40 percent of us worry every day; women are twice as likely as men to do so. But research shows that there are steps you can take to reduce worry. And you can start taking them right now.

Worry Selectively

A person who never worries is, well, a person who isn’t really human! Clearly, some worry is productive, points out Leahy, who is also the director of the American Institute of Cognitive Therapy. “Say you have to drive from New York to Boston. Productive worry would involve things like asking yourself, “Do I have a car reserved? Do I have a map? Do I have a hotel reservation?”. It’s productive because it concerns actions you can take today.” Those actions make life move along more smoothly.

Unproductive worry is concerned with things you can’t do anything about: “What if my car breaks down? What if the hotel room is double-booked?”

Learning to see the distinction between the two forms of worry can cut down on lots of useless anxiety. One way of doing this is to ask yourself whether your worry is productive or unproductive. When it’s productive, put it on a to-do list, then take action. Taking action will help you relax, which makes it easier to let go of unproductive worry.

Go With the Flow

Embracing life’s uncertainties has its advantages. It leaves room for more spontaneity and adventure and lets you not sweat the small stuff. But that’s difficult for many folks to accept.“People who worry have a hard time accepting uncertainty,” says Leahy. They worry, he suggests, to try to gain answers to questions about the future: “Will my 10-year-old have a good job one day? Will I not get that promotion?”

“If you’re worried about failure, you’re going to avoid risk, you’re going to demand certainty before you try anything, or you’re going to quit early,” says Leahy. “If you accept that you don’t know the answers, you’ll likely stop worrying, and you’ll be able to live in the moment. The disadvantage is that you might get surprised. But my feeling is that I’d rather be unpleasantly surprised sometimes than miserable all my life.”


Embrace Novelty

Worriers tend to avoid new things (public speaking, going to parties) because it makes them uncomfortable; they worry because they think it will help them avoid discomfort. But when you can do things that are uncomfortable, you automatically rely less on worry as a coping strategy. “A worrier thinks that worry will prevent something bad from happening,” says Leahy, “while a resilient person thinks, If something happens, I’ll handle it. It’s like learning a new language or dance or instrument. You do things that are initially uncomfortable in order to make progress.”


Be Realistically Positive

Worriers jump to conclusions about bad things happening, but research shows that 85 percent of the things people worry about have a positive outcome. “It’s a good idea to look at the evidence for and against your worry,” says Leahy, “and to find the positive side of a worrisome situation. For example, if you’re worried that you might lose your job, rather than thinking of being fired as a catastrophe, think of it as a chance.” Banishing worries and becoming positive, Leahy says, is a process of “reframing change so you see it as something that offers opportunities.”

If you want to develop a more positive outlook, try writing down your worries and keeping track of the outcome. You’ll see how often things turn out positively. It can also help to schedule a worry time, say from 4:30 to 5:00 P.M. If you become worried about something at 10 A.M., write it down, then set it aside to worry about later. This way, you’ll confine your worries to one time of the day.


Worry Fugit

Know that emotions pass. “People who worry think negative emotions will last a really long time or overwhelm them,” says Leahy. “But any emotion, including anxiety, anger or sadness, is only temporary. It’s a key thing to realize this.”

Leahy suggests keeping a daily journal of both your emotions in general and how you feel when certain things happen: “People who keep a journal of disclosure actually feel like they’re coping better,” he says. “They feel less distressed and less anxious.”

Enjoy your weekend Healthily!

Your Friend,

Jacques

Why New Yorkers Live Longer

While researchers once pointed to an “urban health penalty” due to crime, pollution, and other perils of city life, they’re now saying that living in an urban area is an advantage to your health, and New Yorkers are topping the list of healthy Americans.

The primary reason why New York City is now being called a “capitol of longevity” -- while the average American has added just 2.5 years to his life since 1990, New Yorkers have added 6.2 -- has everything to do with the layout of the city itself.

Because driving in the Big Apple is such a headache, and public transportation is everywhere, many New Yorkers walk daily.

Walking, and walking fast, appears to be tipping the scales toward New Yorkers’ health.

New York City was named “best walking city” in 2006 by the American Podiatric Medical Association and Prevention magazine. Plus, New York City has the fastest pedestrians in the country, according to a recent study, which turns the whole city into a “massive exercise machine dedicated to improving our health while we run errands,” according to the author of this New York Magazine piece.

Researchers are also pointing to other turning trends pushing New Yorkers toward health, such as:

Decreases in infant mortality, homicide, and HIV mortality
Easier access to community, friends, and “ethnic peers”
Healthier food options
A rich cultural environment, for mental stimulation
Close proximity to parks for recreation

The city has also recently implemented other healthy trends, including a ban on smoking and trans fats.

However, according to a study by Matthew Turner, an economist at the University of Toronto, the city itself is not responsible for making people healthier.

His study found that people who moved from cities to suburbs did not get fatter, nor vice versa. Instead, Turner says the healthy trend in New York City is simply the result of a self-selecting population. Highly active people may naturally gravitate toward the New York lifestyle, while those looking for a slower pace (where they can drive everywhere) may gravitate toward the suburbs.

NYMag.com August 20, 2007

The Colors of Oktoberfest cabbage...

Which color sauerkraut should you choose for this year's Oktoberfest?

For extra flavonoids, opt for red cabbage. It packs 28 times more flavonoids than green cabbage does, which explains why red heads score off the charts in terms of antioxidant power. See all the good that cabbage can do.

Benefits Abound

The Germans are on to something. Turns out fresh or pickled red kraut is loaded with antioxidants. Like its cruciferous cousins -- broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, bok choy, and kale -- cabbage is high in flavonoids that protect against cellular damage and aging. That's why it's touted as a lung-cancer thwarter, a brain booster, and a prostate-cancer stopper.

Cabbage in the Kitchen

So go ahead, invite this red head to dinner. Not a fan of red cabbage? Try this Southwestern Corn and Black Bean Salad. It's got 2 cups of red cabbage, but you'll hardly notice it. Or you can find the same antioxidants in berries, grapes, red wine, plums, and red onions.

Did You Know?

Cabbage ranks sixth in a list of top 10 most nutritious veggies. Find out what beat it. . Eating a diverse diet that includes 5 servings of vegetables per day can make you as much as 4 years younger.

Try It.

Break the slaw stereotype and substitute red cabbage for green. In this German-inspired version, red cabbage is combined with sweet apples and caraway -- great with roasted pork loin or turkey kielbasa.

Originally published on 10/15/2007.

All that remains now is to compare and choose the best or favorite brews. So long as as I don't sample them all, I just may remain sober enough to bring you some good ones!

Chauvinistically speaking, I can tell you right now that I'll always recommend Belgian beers, ales, Bock and Gueuzes Lambic, traditionaly hand-made by happy Monks for about the past thousand years..."Happy" as they can always be seen smiling, rosey-cheeked and beer bellied (must come from "religiously" testing/ tasting their handicrafts) :o)---And so, PROSIT!--- SANTE!---SALUD!---SKOL!---

Jacques

TALK is CHEAP!...ACTIONS?..What’s THAT?...

During my recent traumatic colon cancer episode, I appreciated very much the moral support from relatives, friends and acquaintances who expressed concerns, sent good wishes and prayers my way. Visits in the Hospital were cherries on the cake.

Conversely, I also noted how others suddenly appeared to vanish from the scene.

It would appear that their aversion to anything but exposure to good health and times, affluence, parties complete with lavish gourmet foods and drinks , laughter and pleasurable non-responsibilities possibly sent them off to convents and monasteries where they must have taken the Vow of Silence. LOL.

Well…that was one way to separate the wheat from the chaff, I suppose…Since I feel neither bitter nor vengeful, it must be the season of good riddance…

The most dramatic shock, or revelation, of this entire experience was just given me by one who so loudly…sincerely…convincingly…emailed me how much she cared, was deeply concerned, loved me, was “always there for me”, even offered to come over, make me chicken soup and clean my car (of all things)…

She and I were quite close for months…she would come and visit me with her two-year-old adorable little son and we shared many memorable times together…They live by the beach, about a half hour away.

She is a highly professional, degreed computer technician who helped me out of tight spots on several occasions (major computer problems). My being technically just the opposite made her support all the more precious.

Back to the soup and car wash (which were just a couple of offers amongst implications of many more, yet none requested, thus none fulfilled, )…being in desperate need to have a professional web site built to facilitate spreading the vital help which my Trainings, Blogs, Techniques, Seminars, etc. would represent to millions of individuals around the globe, who would greatly benefit from them…

…I decided to give her a chance to manifest the countless statements, offers and claims she has been emailing (I saw her once in the past two years...and that was one year ago)…that she loves me “so much!”…that I am her Best Friend and the most important person in her life…

…I asked that she somehow “make” the time within her busy schedule (she is much in demand) and finally finish building that website she started over three years ago…and offered to pay her going rate, on credit, however, since she knows and trusts me so.

All I got back from the explicit, warm, low-pressure, sincere appeal I sent her weeks ago was a couple of lines stating she’d be in touch as soon as she can… Knowing her well, and reading between the lines, I could sense her “panic” within her hurried (and harried), "dry" message.

And, today, after enough time has elapsed for me to think and say this: I realize that all those lofty “Hurrahs” may have been meant to feed and satisfy her own need to play a role.

That of a claimed do-gooder…a Good or Best Friend…a Super-Generous, Giving, Selfless poor man’s Mother Teresa of sorts…a young woman who, when she utters the words, “I Love You So Much!” only Loves the romantic Idea of Love...and the person to whom that message is sent is but a paper target at which to shoot all those hearts pierced by arrows…or a spitoon, a throw-back from the old cowboy Saloon days, into which to vacate excess chewing tabakky juices...:o)

In Psychology, this sort of hysterical "act", complete with emotionalism and energetic, well intended monologues, is often a signal of possible manic-depression, now better known as bi-polarity…and the end results of such games are tantamount to mental masturbation...lol

No, I am not being “mean” nor less than understanding…perhaps merely recognizing some textbook signals of “loud barks” followed by the absence of bites or nibbles…or, “The road to Hell is paved by the Best of INTENTIONS”…or, “After All has been said and done, far more will have been Said than DONE”…etc…

For it would seem that she, too, has now taken that Vow of Silence…or is emulating an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand, hoping “he” will forget all about "it" and go away…:o)
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I just may decide to insert this little essay in my Book, “Promises…Promises… Promises… (How to Make Less and Keep them All”) – which is about the Psychological Imperative of learning to be(come) a Habitual Promise Keeper instead of an Excuse Maker…

And, to conclude this on a most Positive Note:

For those of you who did not read my "I'M PAaaaa-ak!" post, let me gratefully repeat that, after three days of anxious anticipation to learn the results of the extensive Lab. Tests performed on the malignant tumor and twenty-five lymph. glands which were removed together with a chunk of my ascending (right) colon during my recent surgery…the Surgeon, Dr. H. Barrera, personally came to my Hospital room to deliver the good news: Not a single lymph. gland had any cancer!

This small “miracle” is like A Gift from Above...a Second Chance at Life, and Dr. Barrera admitted that my deep self-hypnotic “Modulations”, which I did three times a day for about a month preceding the surgery, may have kept the cancer at bay and within the tumor, instead of spreading...

This same conclusion was also reached by Dr. Gregory Wiener, the Internist who discovered the tumor during that recent colonoscopy, who had the Lab. verify that it contained cancer cells.

I shall ask both my Physicians to write me a statement to that effect “for my files” of Professional Testimonials. And to encourage otherwise despondent cancer patients to learn and practice the special The I.D.S. (Inner Dimensions Seminars) and S.L.I.M. For Life Modulations © which I had the privilege of developing and teaching during my many years of practice, which helped a number of my patients, and one friend, “cure” their own cancers.

Life is Great!...Welcome to my Life!...Make Yours a Wonderful one, and Weekend!

Your Friend,

Jacques

A Few Ways To Make Friends

By Karen Karbo
Courtesy of Psychology Today
Updated: Monday, October 8, 2007

Since 1985, the number of Americans who say they have no one to talk to has doubled. Where and how do adults make friends?


Sign up for a group travel adventure: People tend to bond more easily when out of their comfort zone. The experience will provide an instant group of people with whom you share a unique memory.

Take a class in something you love; enthusiasm is contagious.

Get a dog (a pet is also good for your heart) and show up every morning at your local dog park. People love to chat about their pooches.

Track down old high school or college pals who live in your area, and see if old friendships can be resumed.

Take a fresh look at your neighbors, coworkers, classmates, fellow gym bunnies -- the people you meet and greet on a regular basis. If you've been standoffish, say hello. If you've traded hellos for months, engage them in conversation.

Smile.

How to Rescue a Friendship

First you talked to each other every day, then once a week, then a few times a month. She got pregnant. You moved to another city. You got pregnant. She got divorced. Soon you were only speaking a few times a year. How do you rescue a friendship?

Make the friendship a priority.

In adolescence, "hanging out" is de rigueur, and thus teenagers tend to have a lot of friends. The multiple demands of adulthood limit opportunities to connect in this informal way. If you want to revive a dying friendship, you've got to set aside the time.

Hug it out. Since intimacy is the keystone of friendship, tell your friend how you feel, that you miss her and don't want to let this friendship slip away.

The miracle of free long distance. Email is the obvious easy way to keep in touch, but the phone is better. Make sure your cell plan has a lot of minutes and vow to call your friend a few times a month. Put her name on speed dial, and when you arrive at an appointment 10 minutes early, give her a buzz. You do call her on her birthday, right?

Face time. The best remedy is spending time with your friend. If the friend lives in town, arrange a standing coffee or movie date. If the friend lives out of town, make an effort to visit each other once a year or so.

HOW TO EFFECTIVELY VISUALIZE…

Volumes have been spoken and written on the subject of VISUALIZATION.

And, when properly done, especially repeatedly for a while (which may vary with the intensity and deep sincerity of desire of the practitioner), this technique has earned countless success stories and achieved virtual miracles.

One of the basic ingredients in the formula is one which every one of us possesses: IMAGINATION.

Ditto for another one: EMOTIONS…Feelings…

Another still is FAITH, the ability to BELIEVE deeply, as in God, for instance.

Obviously, Visualizations are an intrinsic part of the exercises practiced during my Seminars Trainings, The I.D.S. (Inner Dimensions Seminars) and S.L.I.M. For Life © which incorporates many techniques taught in the first series, plus a special emphasis on conscious diet-and-drugs-free weight management that can successfully last for life.

Before proceeding any further, it is important for you to acknowledge that the SUBconscious portions of the brain are the areas which respond to and render effective (“make come true”) that which we visualize.

While repetitious verbal messages such as “goals”, plans and other desired end results read aloud will eventually materialize…depending on how well you incorporate all the necessary components mentioned above, it could conceivably take weeks or more before you can begin to notice progress or changes.

A far better and quicker “sort-cut” is to instruct your powerful “Inner God” with precise, accurate images, scenes, graphic illustrations of exactly how, what and the way your ideal outcome looks and feels in your mind’s eye.

This type of guided imagery is THE true language of the sub-conscious brain…one it instantly understands and to which it will respond more promptly.

It is imperative for you to realize that this is one of many applications of “junk in/ junk out”. For your sub-conscious will give you exactly that which your visualizations fed and programmed into it.

This is why you must be very accurate and cautious whenever you create those specific images in the process of formulating your ultimate, desired end results.

For you to mentally focus upon, view clearly and in full detail every nuance of your strong desire, and FEEL as intimately as you can just the way you would feel, were what you are visualizing real…had it already happened and were you actually living and fully experiencing it now.

The more Faith…Trust…Belief you can inject into this dynamic mental exercise, the better you may expect to succeed dramatically well.

For these strong support elements help render your visualizations appear and feel real and as “faits accomplis” (accomplished facts… foregone conclusions).

I recommend that you begin experimenting or reinforcing your ongoing visualizations with “simple” projects. As soon as you see the amazing results that you will have created, practice will make you perfect and you will be on your way to undertaking and succeeding in materializing more and more meaningful feats.

Amongst countless amazing victories in your personal, social, business endeavors, you may produce spiritual, health, well-being and other life “miracles”. Such as a couple I shared in recent posts, dealing with how my visualizations helped me and others eliminate malignant tumors and like awesome tours de force.

I wish you many rewarding Successes!...and, feel free to contact me personally if you wish or need an additional boost.

Your Friend in Wellness,

Jacques